We heard in the news the other day that Rob Reiner and his wife had been found dead. Murdered, actually, by their own son, a son who struggled with drug addiction and whom they feared as they simultaneously endeavored to protect him and help him.
I can relate. Watching out for a child, your child, who is in the throes of addiction or mental illness consumes your everyday thought and effort. Even as things seem to be going in a positive direction, the wheels can come off at any moment and disaster takes over. You fear that chaos and the dread that it will reappear. It affects you your relationships, your family, and every aspect of life even as you try to act normal and assimilate yourself into a normal looking lifestyle.
I feel guilty when I read about how tragically the Reiners' lives ended, as I also feel grateful that our family didn't have quite that same situation. The angel messages people received from Andrew as related to me said that he did it for me and that he loved me and that he was going to be okay. He took his own life and he spared us. One can't help but think of the biblical undertones by his act. He took his own life and relieved us of the burden of constantly worrying about him and monitoring him and trying to get him into some kind of treatment that never really took hold. It freed us to be able to go on with our own lives, and the act of being set free comes of the terrible burden of guilt which I feel and I know my daughters feel, and I'm sure my son's father and close family members feel.
That conflicted feeling that comes with this freedom is like walking a tightrope between depression and relief. The way I deal with it is to honor my son speak his name, tell his stories, and continue to share him with the people whose lives he touched. I choose to celebrate his life.
