Monday, October 11, 2010

Understanding others in time of loss...

Another young man has taken his life this past week and left his family reeling in grief and shock.

He was the nephew of my former boss, my best friends' cousin, step-brother to my girlfriend and classmate of many people I know. I feel their pain. I know everyone touched by this loss feels intense pain and sorry because they somehow couldn't see it coming or didn't take steps to prevent it from happening. I did go through all those emotions, but I finally concluded that my son just had too much pain to bear, and in sacrificing himself, he released his pain forever and spread it on to all our shoulders to bear for him. We now are the ones bearing the pain and having to deal with that person's issues in the wake.

Its not a desirable outcome as far as those left behind are concerned, but I can see how someone going through unbearable stress or pain or mental illness might have those thoughts and act on them one day. If we are lucky, we channel that pain and put it into a positive light. Just about every hard task I undertake these days is given over to Andrew to help me bear. He was a beautiful, strong and accomplished person who I loved and looked up to, and doing things in honor of him gives me enormous strength and inspiration. I am truly grateful for the time on earth I had to spend with him, and the schedules I had to keep to accommodate his activities -- it was not time wasted.

I do wish I could have been able to solve his dilemma's and make him feel happy and healthy. I am sorry if I ever failed him in any way. But I remember him often, with love.